Stubborn cowgirls believe that if they fall off their horse, there is only one thing to do… dust themselves off and get back on! A lot of stubborn divorcees live by this same motto. However, if you keep saddling up the wrong cowboy, these stubborn mules are going to keep bucking you off. Every new year welcomes a new start on life. An opportunity to make observations about the previous year, and how you can use this insight to find yourself in a better relationship. Here are seven tips to get back in the saddle—and stay put!
1. New Beginning; Better Self-Image
Divorced women with low self-esteem tend to be drawn to men who view them negatively. When stepping back into the dating scene, use this awareness to give you the incentive to build a strong image that won’t be susceptible to the men who seek to bring you down to their level.
2. Self “Hard” Love
Studies at the University of Washington suggest that one of the worst ways to enter a relationship, is with resignation and fear, which is often the result of a poor self-image. Unfortunately, many divorcees have been coddled by friends and family, and end up feeling sorry for themselves as a result. This is no way to prepare yourself for the modern-day dating world. What you really need is hard love, so here goes: Quit being sorry and start regaining control over your time, health, and happiness. Whatever you do, don’t feel like a victim, or you’ll only succeed in becoming one.
3. It’s Not You; it’s Me
The biggest problem with women who see themselves as a victim, is when times get tough, they tend to focus on the problems in their relationship, rather than what needs to be done to make things better. Learn to trust your instincts and become proactive. Good relationships may be found, but the truly great ones are built brick by brick. The first step is to maintain curiosity in your partner. Men are naturally attracted in those who are interested in them, and boredom rarely comes from losing fascination, but rather not taking the time to discover new things about each other to be fascinated by.
4. Adjust Your Expectations
When women hear the words, adjust your expectations, they automatically think it’s referring to them expecting too much in their relationships, and assume they should settle for less (although, sometimes this can be the case). As Les Brown once said, Most People (relationships) do not fail—because they aim too high and miss, but because they aim too low and hit! There may be no such thing as a perfect man. However, it is possible to be 80 percent of a decent, which is the magical number that seems to make most women happy.
5. Know Your Limits
By giving your new partner everything they want, you may think you’re laying the foundation to future success. However, you’re only sabotaging your identity, self-respect, and own needs. A good relationship is 20 percent luck and 80 percent effort, but all that effort is only worthwhile if it’s being reciprocated.
6. Learn From Past Mistakes; Don’t Repeat Them
Dating (and then marrying) a poor choice can become as much a habit, as smacking your lips while eating a pan of homemade chocolate-chip cookies. Learn from your past by noting any previous, fatal attractions, which could (should) have been avoided. The “types” of men who tend to get women in trouble are selfish, jealous, mysterious, and over-confident. Healthy relationships form when you insist on honesty, safety, security, and intimacy.
7. Third Time is Not Always the Charm
According to The Americans for Divorce Reform, you begin your first honeymoon with a 40 to 50 percent chance of divorce, which escalates to 60 to 67 percent the second time around, and 73 to 74 by the third try. In other words, the more marriages you step into, the more likely it becomes you’ll soon be stepping back out. Research suggests that you’ll be much happier if you focus on compromising when problems arise, rather than keeping an eye out for the exit sign.